Nothing!
Freaking Nothing!
Oh, I just want to let the cuss words fly right now. See, it’s not that I’ve actually been up to nothing, it’s that I have nothing to show for it.
It turns out that learning how to self publish is, how shall I say this?
A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS!
Oh! Look at that! I just came up with a title for an erotica novel!
Sometimes, being home alone is lonely. Depressing even.
Sometimes it can be the worst feeling in the world.
Sometimes, I kind of like it.
Sometimes, I don’t know what I feel.
I look around and everything is familiar, yet strange.
And time passes.
And I wonder if it will take me with it.
And then, I realize…
Fuck this. I need a vodka tonic and a good romantic comedy.
And Reese’s Peanut Butter Christmas Trees. God! Those are the best!
There are so many fairy tales about the princess waiting to be rescued from the tower at the top of the castle.
I always wondered what it would be like to be up there.
Looking out, forlorn, alone, despairing that anyone would ever come.
What kind of horrible person would trap a sweet little princess in a tower?
Why not just freaking kill her? I mean, obviously she is worthless, or she would have found SOME way to escape, or at the very least someone would have paid the damn ransom for her!
Oh! How awful it would be to be trapped in that tower knowing no one gave a shit about you, and you were too week, too helpless, too hopeless to do jack shit for yourself.
Sometimes, when we think we see something, we really don’t.
Sometimes, we don’t see what’s really there.
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but what they don’t say is that so is ugly.
The next time you only catch a glimpse of what’s happening, ask yourself “what did I just see?”
Did you just see two people falling in love, or out of it?
Did you see an accident, or an intent?
And then, when you are far enough away to safely ponder this, ask yourself “did my interpretation change what really happened?”
Could it have?
Should it have?
All our lives we are told we are unique and special. All our lives we are told being a stand-out is a good thing. And all of our lives, we watch everyone around us cajole, ridicule, make fun of, envy, and imitate people who actually are different somehow. And deep down in side, all we really want is to be the same as everyone else. To be accepted and fit in.
And then to be the best!
The loner! The Brave Wolf! The Explorer! The one with all the answers, and the cure, and the money, and most patience and the most …
accepted.
Do you wonder who that is looking back?
Do you wonder about the world in there?
What do two mirrors looking at each other see, when there is no one to stand between them?
When you are looking into the mirror, are you trying to see the future? Trying to guess what might be? Or are you looking to catch a glimpse of the past, trying to see what was?
Some of us try not to look in the mirror.
When we look up, we see the things that scare us. The things that make us feel small, insignificant, and alone. We see the unknown.
In the night, we see the darkness. In the day we see an impenetrable blue. Either way, we are dwarfed by what we cannot overcome.
Some people find inspiration in this.
I suspect the invention of vodka was inspired by this, and I celebrate the night by drinking vodka. And not looking up.
Sometimes, that moment in the morning when you open the blinds and let the sun shine in, is the best moment of your day.
Sometimes, all of the promises, of all of the wonderful things that could happen, have come together for one spectacular moment in time, and you get to physically touch the golden glow that makes all of the difference.
Sometimes you need to prepare, to take in a deep breath and be ready to accept your ascension into glory.
You should always savor that moment.
Because sometimes, when you open up the blinds and let the world in, it’s shitty outside and you just want to go back to bed.
Sometimes, it seems we really don’t know what it is we want. And that makes us terribly unhappy. I mean, if you don’t know what you want, how can you work towards getting it?
Some people like to say they have everything they need. That’s a load of unicorn poop. (The obnoxiously cheerful and candy-coated updates friends post to social networks – all the time. UrbanDictionary.com)
The truth is we all need goals, large and small, to keep us going through the day, to give us something to look forward to, to add meaning to our lives.
Some people use religion for this. Others use politics. Some troll the internet, some troll the local mall.
Just remember. If you never feel like you’re on top of the world, its because you aren’t setting goals you can reach and then reaching them. Whether it’s your fault, or someone else’s, it really just boils down to that.
So go set some goals! Go achieve something! Be happy!
My goal is to pour some vodka in a glass and drink it. Ohhh… getting happy just thinking about it.
